do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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