God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
