Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
