you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
