at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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