This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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