smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
