my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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