This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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