I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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