so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
