You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
