we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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