if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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