I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
