i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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