I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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