The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize