areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
