I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
