Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
