I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
