If that was your dad, he is hot
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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