he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have post one night stand depression
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
