Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
