they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize