just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
