great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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