i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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