You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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