That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
