Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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