I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize