Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize