Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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