I don't think brook has ever known best
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
