Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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