You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
