In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
