She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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