Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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