I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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