i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
