Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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