I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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