I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
