I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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