SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
