Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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