WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
