My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
