there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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