brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
