I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
