who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
