My liver just broke up with me...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
