I am puke
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
