Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
