feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize