I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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