this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
