I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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