im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
