You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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