Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
