i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
