I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
