I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
