Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize