whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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