remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
