I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize