so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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