The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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