My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
